Comments On: How I Adopted My Parent, Etc. by Frank and Caroline MacLane from The Simian

How I Adopted My Parent, Etc. by Frank and Caroline MacLane [part one]
Some 21 years ago, I was captured from my real parents down in the Amazon, along with several of my playmates of the same age group and species, and brought up to an exotic animal farm in Pembroke, Mass. Lucky for all of us 6 month old Spider monks that those big cats, reptiles, and big birds were securely caged, or I wouldn't be here to tell my long story! All five of us were placed in a small wire cage about 5 feet off the floor to ponder our fate.
I, being the smartest in our group, settled down to some serious thinking. First I would make up to the guy that capture me (who was the farm owner), in an attempt to win my freedom. This did not take long as I played right into his hands, and was on his shoulder in no time, so he considered me his pet, (he thought). One warm Sunday afternoon in February, a couple and their daughter came in, asking to see the monkeys. Right then and there I decided this was my chance, as the old man and his wife looked like a good, lush pair to latch onto.
Now, I must also play up to the daughter, as she could be the deciding factor. As my owner approached our cage with these people, I stood up front and jabbered away so much that he explained that she was "his pet" and opened the door. I jumped on his shoulder shrieking my thanks, and hoping our guest could understand my South American Spider baby lingo. After a few moments, I reached over and touched the wife's expensive fur coat, and groomed it a bit. Boy! did this tickle her heart; she jabbered back to me, and groomed my head and back. So far, so good, now I'd better move on to the daughter.
She was even more impressed, and acted like she was one of us. So I just kept pouring on the charm and sweet talk. Now, on to the old man who must hold the purse strings! He had some crazy thing on his head that prevented me from jumping on his shoulder. I reached over and gently removed it, while climbing on his shoulder. He grabbed it from me, and said, "Hey boy, that's my hat." This was my last chance, I must butter him up, so with both hands I groomed his hair while searching for some moving thing I might eat to ease the tension. Boy, did I lay it on with all sorts of love gestures, and my best jungle talk!
He weakened and asked my owner what he wanted for him. The answer was, "SHE is not for sale...SHE is my pet". That did it! I would just have to work harder, and hide my embarrassment of the gender mistake. For some of you not knowing Spider monkey anatomy, the appendage I inherited makes me look somewhat like a male rather than a female, but rest assured, I am a bonafide, sweet, little baby girl! Anyway, I kept going back and forth to all three with all good intentions, and showing that I was staying with THEM! At this point, the owner realized if he was going to sell a monkey, it was going to be me only, and said, "You can have HER for $75.00." Then, very quickly he said, "Wait here and I will get a holding cage for you to take her home,"
Then who do you think brought out the check book?....you guessed it...it was the Mrs.! I even helped her make out the check, I was so happy! In no time at all, the car had been warmed up, and my former owner had put the cage, with me in it on the back seat floor, and we were whisking down the back roads. This was too confining for me, so when I started screaming, they stopped to investigate. They couldn't understand me, butfigured maybe I wanted to be up front with them. They opened the cage door, and I flew up on the front seat and waited for them to join me.. Brad and Trouble
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How I Adopted My Parent, Etc.. by Frank and Caroline MacLane [part two]
This was the happiest day of my young life, and I decided to make my new parents very happy, and have some fun on the way to my new home. I learned their names right away. Mommy was Caroline, Judy was their daughter, and Dad was Frank. They baptized me without any water or fanfare, as we were driving along: CHEETAH. I liked my name, but now I wanted some fun other than just fooling around with Mommy and Judy, so I reach over to remove Dad's hat again, and planked myself on his shoulder. He was driving, but that didn't bother me. By this time, the hat was now in the back seat, and traffic was getting heavy.
It seemed that every car around us had a bunch of kids yelling at us, so Dad opened his window a bit at a stop light, and they were all yelling, "Look at the monkey driving." This irked Dad no end, until he noticed I was nestled on his chest, with my hand on the steering wheel. He smiled, waved, and went with the green light, but said to me,"Look, honey, just enjoy the ride, and let me do the driving." From that point on, I respected his wishes for the remainder of our drive home, and had my fun away from the wheel.
On our arrival home, I was greeted by two big German shepherd dogs, and with proper introductions, everything seemed OK, but I wanted to stay away from those big guys until I knew then better. The next thing was a parakeet whizzing by my head, eyeing me up and down, and I began to wonder what I let myself in for. Scared? You bet I was! They were on the ground...in the air...what next? Not even a tree around to escape! I made it understood that they would just have to hold me until I was sure everything was safe for me. Within a very shot time I learned that these people loved animals, and taught them in the same manner, so I guessed I would be safe with them...and this was proven true within a few hours.
The holding cage had to be my quarters until Dad could build me a cage. That only took a couple of nights, and the door was only locked at night, or when they were not home. Yes, I did my share of messing, but I went to my cage whenever I could make it, and Mom and Dad were very tolerant. One night they brought back a doll's dress and panties without asking me my size, only to find that I was bigger than that, and so they had to change them. The next wardrobe I saw was a little too big, but with some alterations, they got the dress on me. The panties...no way, how are you going to take care of that long tail of mine? Dad thought for awhile, and came up with the solution: "let's open up the back seam in the right place, and we can work the tail through".
I scoffed at the very idea of panties, but if they wanted me to look like a human baby, I'll go along with it to keep them happy. After a lot of struggling, they succeeded in mastering the art of dressing me, while I pulled every trick I knew of to combat them! Now I was ready to show off, but no way was I going to resemble a human baby. You see, I am "coal black", and I mean COAL BLACK, with a white diamond on my forehead, and a dirty grey on my chest and stomach. Shortly after they saddled me with those clothes I had to wear when we went out. They brought me home a doll's high chair. As I would always climb up on the chairs and table at eating time. This high chair was placed at Dad's side. And it took both of them to seat me, and pull down the tray. That long tail had a way of being a pain while seated in this fashion. But they insisted on me being one of them. More to come. Brad and Trouble
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How I Adopted My Parent, Etc.. by Frank and Caroline MacLane [part three ]
My food plate would be placed on the tray. And away I would go...hands, feet and tail in every direction. Poor Dad, he could never finish before me. He used tools to eat with, and I refused to use them... I felt my method was much better. Besides, he got better stuff than I, so I ended up with most of his at first. This fad soon wore off, as the cleaning took a lot longer than preparing the whole meal, and Dad started to lose too much weight!
Within a few months, Mom and Dad joined the Massachusetts Chapter of the Simian Society, headed by Muriel Mackie, which, I think, was in Wakefield. I am sure Muriel will remember me, as I just loved to stare my affection with all those women at the meetings. I also loved to steal their human refreshments, and soon found myself fully restrained from the tables, much to my displeasure. My meeting attendance was short-lived. Not because of my capers so much, but I developed a phobia riding in our car. Seems like I would settle on the floor and become frightened. Then I would crawl over to Dad's side under his feet, and this would never do. Mom reached down and took me in her arms, and then all hell broke loose...all over her fur coat and the car! Dad raced back home and they cleaned everything up, and started back to the meeting, only to see me whimpering on the floor. They said this was car sickness, and that ended my car rides.
Before all this, Muriel had called Mommy and wanted to know if she would like to take me on the Rex Trailer TV Show. She did not consult me, but accepted, and then called her other daughter, Carol Ann, to see if she would help dress me, and drive us to the studio. I didn't think much of the idea, but went along with it to keep the peace. Instead of panties, they decided to put something else on me. I think they called it a diaper, whatever that is. I believe they used more than one, but between the two of them, they had me done up in a pretzel form of covering, and then slipped on a pretty pink dress. To assure me that everything looked OK, they dragged me before a mirror. And much to my surprise, I looked like a little doll, and you should have seen both of them...happy as clams! {Brad here, who found out two weeks ago that the saying is really "Happy as clams at high tide"}.
Dad had to work in the office that day, but would watch TV there on the scheduled time. However, those big factory machines distorted the picture so much he missed the show... But here is the way it went: Mommy carried me on her shoulder on stage, and you never saw two more frightened individuals in your life! Mommy spotted Rex's horse coming on stage, and she knew I never liked horses, as we had lots of them on our street back home. She did her best to keep me from seeing him, and I do not know whether I saw him or not, but I broke out in a sweat and the diapers took most of the brunt. What a mess those two had cleaning me up on the trip home, but my trip was a natural state, for sure. I don't even remember whether the show was a success or not, or if they had any reruns those days. I could care less about the boob tube! prior to my car phobia, and when Mom and Dad loved to dress me and take me shopping, I was more manageable. Mom would always wrap a baby blanket around me in the supermarkets because of the air-conditioning. People would stop her to look at such a small baby bundle, and what a surprised look on their faces when they saw what she was carrying! More to come. Brad and Trouble
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How I Adopted My Parent, Etc.. by Frank and Caroline MacLane [part four]
This bothered Dad some because it held up the shopping, but I got a kick out of it. I would squint my eyes, pucker up, and watch their reactions. You know, if you look at it from my point of view, people are just plain crazy! I should explain some of the other happenings that were a big part of my life back at the house. My cage was in a corner of the living area, so I could view everyone coming in, pass inspection, or just ignore them. I soon began to know almost everyone who came, and they me. The women, or most of them, were always friendly, and made muck of me. This I like, and returned the affection. Most of the men folk would just stare at me, or just say, "Hi, Cheetah", but kept their distance.
This I did not like: I wanted attention. After all, how many homes would they visit and find such a lovely creature to greet and carry on with? Let's take Dad's sister: when she came in she was all over me, hugging, kissing, and jabbering with real affection. Any goodies around she would pass to me first, and I always got a sip from her glass. She refused me on second sips, and I will never understand this, because my sips were always very warming, and made me feel real nice. She would have several glasses of the stuff and never blink an eyelash, but when she left and offered me a kiss, I had to keep my distance, and just blow one to her!
Dad's Mom and Dad were very nice and friendly, and would always talk with me, or hand me tidbits. However, I had to keep my distance, as I was used to younger people, and I might hurt them in some way with my style of affection. All of our other company were instructed to always say, "Goodbye" to me upon leaving, or I would not recognize them next time. I never did say much about our dogs and parakeet, but we did become very friendly.
Here are some of the happenings: Chipper was the mother dog, and she took to me like she was my real mother. Once in awhile if she passed me without noticing me, I would grab her tail to let her know I wanted some attention. If I know dog expressions, I'm sure she was saying. "Watch it, Bub; I'm bigger than you, and your tail is much longer." I just love that big protector, always close to me when we were outside. You can rest assured that no other animal came in our yard when we were outside!
The other dogs name was Rex, Chipper's son, a bit smaller, but equally protective. I pulled his tail a few times just for fun, but he would go back to his mommy complaining. I guess this was a natural thing for him, as Chipper had mothered him all her life. The parakeet, named Toby, got curious one day and flew over my cage, looked around, gave me a couple of chirps and a "pretty boy, hah-rah", then flew back to her own. This bothered me enough to return her visit, and I damned nearly tipped the stand and cage over climbing up, but managed to return her salute, just to keep things rolling smoothly between us.
At another time, she flew over to the back of Mommy's chair while she was grooming me, and then walked right up to me. What a friendly gesture, I thought, so I slowly reached up to stroke her, and did she take off like a jet! I passed it off as jealousy, but I do think she wanted to play around a little without any touching, as it was repeated several times after that. As time passed, and I out grew, or refused, to wear clothes, my thoughts turned to real monkey kid stuff of the impish kind. I'm sure you simian "parents" know what I mean, but Dad has some patents pending on some of my doings that will be revealed as I carry on the story of 21 years with my adopted parents. More to come. Brad and Trouble
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How I Adopted My Parent, Etc.. by Frank and Caroline MacLane [part five]
My parents had a nice, big back yard with lots of trees, including several large weeping willows. A brook ran through the rear, with woods beyond that, and homes on the other side. When they first took me out there, I had to promise to stay within our boundaries. I did not like to walk on grass or dirt too much, as I was supposed to be a tree-dwelling simian, so they would carry me to the trees, and away I would go! Those willows were the gem of the yard for swinging, jumping, and hiding out. The others were great, too, but I could be seen easily on my every move.
Being young and inexperienced, I made several misses, so I preferred the willows until I could master the art; and master it I did! I had so much fun there that I did not want to wander any further, and kept my promise. Late one Sunday afternoon, I decided to try out the maple tree that overhung the garage. I could jump back and forth, and this seemed like a lot of fun. At supper time, Mom prepared our separate meals and yelled out to Dad to call me in...which he did, and waited for me at the base of the tree. I was not hungry, as I had eaten a lot of goodies that afternoon, and decided I would come down later.
They did everything to coax me down, including offering me my favorites: marshmallows and ice cream. Believe me, I was tempted and almost came within Dad's reach, but then that impish feeling came over me, and up again I went. Mommy got real angry, as it was getting dark and she was afraid I would never come down and might get lost during the night. She started to cry, so Dad took over the task. He just sat on the steps calling and promising me the world along with fresh goodies. Watching him under the back door light was a pitiful sight, and I knew he needed his sleep for that hard Monday at the office, so I slowly descended and called to him. He looked up with a broad smile, and carried me from the lower limb over to the stairs for some soupy ice cream that I relished. He then carried me into the house, and red-eyed Mommy smiled once more!
Reunited again, I went to my cage, curled up contently and fell asleep for the night. I forgot all about this incident, but the next time they took me out back, I found they attached a rope to my collar that would let me go just so far up into the trees. Most of the fun was lost this way, but I soon realized what I had done before, and accepted my punishment. The neighbors on both sides of us had human kids, and they would watch me from their yards. One day I thought maybe it would be a good idea to go over and pay them a visit. Of course, I was never allowed outside without my parents, and being almost grounded from trees, I soon learned to walk on the ground. So...when the kids were out, I would meander slowly over to the fence, and then run like the blazes after them. Dad saw me, and chased after me, as no one knew what I might do if I caught up to them. Dad was real fast, and caught up with my long curled-up tail stance, and carried me back in that fashion.
A few more like incidents, and I found the rope again on my collar that was far short of both fences! The next thing I knew, some big machinery and trucks rolled into our back yard. Boy! Was I mad! I could not see or hear what was going on, so I kept scolding my parents for this invasion of my playground. When the weather warmed up enough for me to go outside, they showed me the completed project which they explained to me was an in-ground swimming pool. More to come. Brad and Trouble
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How I Adopted My Parent, Etc.. by Frank and Caroline MacLane [part six]
I really don't know why they would go to all this trouble and expense, as we simians frown on any bodies of water! I soon found out it was THEIR pleasure, and all I got out of it was a lot of splashing, and a drink when I didn't want one. I learned to like it though, Dad would coax me over to the edge while he was in the pool. and would gently groom my back with his cool, wet hands, until I was soaked and cooled off. Sometimes Mommy would have a bar of soap handy, and I would get sort of a sponge bath between them both.
Speaking of baths, when I was a little younger and Dad was taking a bath, I would stroll by the door and look into the bathroom to see what he was doing. I couldn't figure out why he had all the fluffy white stuff all over him, so I climbed up on the tub and touched it. He reached out for me, and placed me gently on his lap. I like it, and sampled both water and suds. He then rubbed this stuff all over me, then rinsed me off. At that point, he had to call Mommy to take me. I promptly grabbed the shower curtain rods, swinging away while they both wrapped me in towels for the drying and a good grooming. This was such a good feeling that I made it a habit whenever Dad forgot to lock the door.
Then one day I got a little curious in the tub, and Dad said that was enough, and my baths came to an abrupt halt! It just seems about every time I started to monkey around a bit, as all simians are bound to do, that type of fun was denied me. When this happened, I would just pout, or go into a tantrum, and wonder if I did the right thing in picking out my parents. Anyway, I made my bed, and being such a smart cutie, I would just have to lie in it! Mom and Dad would often talk about items and various stories in the monthly SIMIAN publication, such as the toys and stuff that other simian "parents' were giving their kids. All of a sudden, I started to get all sorts of toys, rubber and cloth stuffed dolls and animals. They tried to cram these things into my life, but I resented, and fought them off vigorously. Why should I have to settle for mere toys and stuff, when I had the real humans to cuddle, talk, and play with? No siree...let those other guys play like human kids if they want to. I may look like the others, but I am going to grow up to be a human simian, among the human people I adopted who love me dearly...and I them.
I am fast learning their language, and they mine; and I don't mean sign language they seem to be teaching some of my distant cousins these days. As my story unfolds, you will readily see that I have not spoken of my life with forked tongue! Judy got married and moved out, so Dad and Mom decide I should be moved into her room, with a new cage for my comfort. Over the first few years, Dad had to add onto my original cage, as he studied my habits to insure my life would be happy in it. While Dad was drawing up plans and buying materials for the new cage, and the time it would take to build it, I still had lots of house freedom, and wanted to take advantage, and do some more exploring around the place.
First the kitchen...the bowl on the table...what was in it? Lifting the cover, I found some white stuff that tasted very sweet, and just to my liking. Digging in head first, I came out looking like an old man with white whiskers. Mommy came in the kitchen and yelled. "Oh no!...she's got the sugar bowl". Dad came running to take it away from me. Boy! did he back off when I showed him those pearly white canines that were not fully grown! More to come. Brad and Trouble
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How I Adopted My Parent, Etc.. by Frank and Caroline MacLane [part seven]
They had to find a new place to keep the sugar after that, but they forgot I was getting older and smarter! A short time later, I again sneaked into the kitchen, wanting to explore the upper cabinets. While walking over the sink cabinets and stove top, I spotted the bowl tucked in back of some dishes and stuff. I reached over, knocking over a few things, and head first I again came out looking like that white-whiskered old man! Hearing the racket, Mommy came dashing out, with Dad following, and they thought they could take it from me, but again my actions spoiled their thoughts, so they just let me have my fill, and I inched my way back to the cage well satisfied!
As a mater of fact, I lost my desire for sugar, and my next venture was for something different. On top of one of the lower counter, there was a big box about the size of a bread box, as the saying goes, but I ignore this. A little further on I saw another box with the markings S.C.T.F. on their handles. The letters didn't mean anything to me, so I started to work these every which way, when all of a sudden, I pulled and out came a drawer. I sampled the white stuff, and this was the same as the bowl, so I continued on to the next ones that were all very distasteful. Then I decided to go back to the big box. I tugged and pulled on the handle, then upwards, and it flew open just like the roll top desk in my former owner's office. Everything in it was bagged, so my first bite was bread, which I promptly threw on the floor.
Next looked like cookies that I had to really use my teeth to open. Gee! they were very good, full of chocolate filling and nuts. As I was chewing away, in came Mommy again, and I just grabbed the last bag and dragged it into my cage. After digesting a mouth full of cookies, I opened the bag to find a big piece of cake, and proceeded to jam this down, as I knew I was in for it now, but good! Needless to say, Dad and Mom just had to put an end to this monkeyshine {Brad here, I had heard this term before and decided to look it up. A mischievous or playful trick; a prank. Often used in the plural.} business, and decided the new cage had to be first priority. They lectured and scolded me again for my kitchen capers, and kept that door firmly secured, along with my old cage door, while they watched TV in the confines of their bedroom rather than the family area with me.
One evening I got to thinking; why are they watching TV there, when they always viewed it here with me, and shared some of their goodies with me? Well...it didn't take me long to figure out that the new locking device on my cage, so out I came, and strolled over to their door and pushed it open. Lo and behold what do you think I saw? No, you're wrong...you see, they had twin beds and with those bookcases for headboards and sliding doors. Dad saw me first, and yelled, "Close those doors, here comes Cheetah"!
Too late! I had seen what they had behind those doors, but made believe I didn't! I know they would gladly share their goodies with me, but too many sweets are very bad for us simian kids, and my recent escapades had surely put me ahead of my quota. Yup, I got another reprimand for being smart enough to find a way out of my cage once again. This really didn't bother much, I lust turned my back and ignored them! I figured time would heal all, and I would soon be back in their good graces once more. Besides, they were getting to be real softies, and if I played my cards right, I would soon have them eating out of my hands. More to come. Brad and Trouble
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How I Adopted My Parent, Etc.. by Frank and Caroline MacLane [part eight]
Well...not exactly, but you know what I mean. Soon Dad had my new room with a nice large cage ready, that was designed with me in mind...and escape proof. HE thought! It had a center pole, a short swing from the ceiling, with a nice long shelf for my food plate, and sleeping quarters. I never wanted a pillow or blankets, and would not tolerate any they tried to put in my cage in the past. So...the new cage was bare, just as I would have had for sleeping in my natural environment. Real neat! as we youngsters would say, and I felt right at home, and very happy.
The room had front and side windows, so I had two views of the outside for street and neighbor activities. The one drawback was that I could not take in all that took place in the living and kitchen areas. This I missed, because I could not see our company come in. I was always the center of attraction, and thrived on the ego I had built up. Mommy quickly arranged with all our regular company to greet me by name upon entering, and then come into my room for further salutations, and general monkey talk. During the course of their stays, I would get several "Hi, Cheetahs", and I would return it with my long chuckles. Upon leaving, if they failed to come in to say goodnight, I would give them the cold shoulder the next time.
You see, Mommy used to spend much time with me, and stated the names of the company who would be coming over that day or evening. I got to know them all, and watched the front window for their cars, so I would know who was who, and what kind of reception I would put forth. They learned quickly what a previous "goodnight" had meant to me. By this time, maturity was setting in, and I started to be a little more demanding. I had simian rights, and would just have to be catered to! First of all, I knew when it was chow time almost to the minute, and Mommy soon learned my call for same. I would no longer accept monkey chow food, and this resulted in a much tastier menu served to me.
However, she got careless, and tried serve me the same thing too many times. She should have learned that from too much monkey chow in the past! On her insistence that I eat what she gave me or go hungry, I ignored her, and left it there. When Mommy told this to Dad, he came in to me, demanding that I eat my dinner, and shouting about wasteful food. A little more of this and...did you ever see a mad simian go into a tantrum? Well, Dad sure did that time, as I ranted and raved, jumped up and down, reached out to grab him, or a piece of him anyway, and displayed every tooth in my mouth. He got mad and walked out of the room. I could hear them talking about it, and sat back waiting to see if it worked!
Later on they both came to me with something different, and a lot of sweet talk about all those starving simians down in the Amazon who would gladly eat anything they could get. It worked, so I quickly squinted my big brown eyes, puckered up, and chuckled a big "Thank You". I gobbled up their offerings with lots of garbled chuckles in between bites. My point was now made, and my rights established. They even acknowledged their little baby had grown up, and was on their level! This maturity thing had further problems: I started to look at the men now, and ignore most of the women except of course my parents. I guess that's natural with us simians, as it is with humans who resemble and act like us. Take Dad's sister for instance; she was hurt when I switched my affections to her husband, Charlie. More to come. Brad and Trouble
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How I Adopted My Parent, Etc.. by Frank and Caroline MacLane [part nine]
She never stopped showing her love for me, and once in a while, I would give in and shower her with a lot of sweet talk, and then turn my back for some grooming. Now when they come to our house, Charlie ignores everyone around, and comes to my room for a lot of chatter, touching, grooming, and do I ever give it back! He even said to Dad that I was no different from any other maturing female! This is far as our relationship went, but I sure did enjoy our meetings, and running my fingers though those few strands of hair on his head. It reminded me of a baboon we had next to our cage back at the farm!
Maturity also brought on another natural instinct in me: BITING FOR UNKNOWN REASONS. My parent's friends could never understand how they put up with the many bites I inflicted upon both of them. But I know why...they really LOVE me as one of their own. I honestly don't know why, or how, I could do such things, because each time it does happen, I turn around and go into that puckering up routine, and a hell of a lot of apologizing and affection. This, of course, does not heal the wounds, but all simian owners and potential ones, must realize that we are not civilized humans, inasmuch as we try to imitate them. We are wild creatures that must defend ourselves with whatever means nature provided us with. My advice to all of you is: PLEASE LEAVE US IN OUR OWN ENVIRONMENT, UNLESS YOU ARE JUST LIKE MY ADOPTED PARENTS.
Getting this off my chest is quite a relief. Now let's get back to my life in civilization, that has to be just a cut above the rest of my simian relatives. That is, until Mommy took a parttime job and left me alone a couple days the week. This left me with too much time on my hands, and other extremities that I use with equal results, for my own good. All I could do was watch the traffic, and those foolish people riding on the back of those monster-like horses, neighbors messing around in their yards, a few acrobatic acts on my pole and swing (with nobody to watch me), and talking to myself. Very boring, I must say, as I missed Mommy and her daily groomings, idle chatter, and those sit-down household duties I could watch.
She must have sensed my loneliness during her working days, because she and Dad talked of putting a TV in my room. As for me, I needed this like a hole in the head...even those cartoons they had on for human kids wouldn't turn me on! Once in awhile they would turn it to a program showing distant cousins of mine, you know: apes, chimps, orangs, etc. I would sneak a glance once in awhile, but all they did were tricks some human taught them...nothing realistic like my doings in the past, and what I will be doing later on!
On another Sunday afternoon, Dad opened my cage door so I could join him in the living area for some of that "all over grooming" while he watched the ball game on TV. After an hour or so, he got tired of my insistence on using BOTH hands that I wanted so badly, and threatened to put me back in my cage. As usual, in circumstances like this, I poured on the charm, climbing on his chest, looking him straight in the eyes, while puckering up, and telling him as many love stories as I could remember (and of course, hugging and kissing him) until I was sure he would let me stay! It worked once again, and I settled down on his lap until his attention was on the boob tube. Then I gently slid down and explored the area a little, and then the front door. This door did not have a knob to turn like the others, so I was puzzled as to how to open it. More to come. Brad and Trouble
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How I Adopted My Parent, Etc.. by Frank and Caroline MacLane [part nine]
She never stopped showing her love for me, and once in a while, I would give in and shower her with a lot of sweet talk, and then turn my back for some grooming. Now when they come to our house, Charlie ignores everyone around, and comes to my room for a lot of chatter, touching, grooming, and do I ever give it back! He even said to Dad that I was no different from any other maturing female! This is far as our relationship went, but I sure did enjoy our meetings, and running my fingers though those few strands of hair on his head. It reminded me of a baboon we had next to our cage back at the farm!
Maturity also brought on another natural instinct in me: BITING FOR UNKNOWN REASONS. My parent's friends could never understand how they put up with the many bites I inflicted upon both of them. But I know why...they really LOVE me as one of their own. I honestly don't know why, or how, I could do such things, because each time it does happen, I turn around and go into that puckering up routine, and a hell of a lot of apologizing and affection. This, of course, does not heal the wounds, but all simian owners and potential ones, must realize that we are not civilized humans, inasmuch as we try to imitate them. We are wild creatures that must defend ourselves with whatever means nature provided us with. My advice to all of you is: PLEASE LEAVE US IN OUR OWN ENVIRONMENT, UNLESS YOU ARE JUST LIKE MY ADOPTED PARENTS.
Getting this off my chest is quite a relief. Now let's get back to my life in civilization, that has to be just a cut above the rest of my simian relatives. That is, until Mommy took a parttime job and left me alone a couple days the week. This left me with too much time on my hands, and other extremities that I use with equal results, for my own good. All I could do was watch the traffic, and those foolish people riding on the back of those monster-like horses, neighbors messing around in their yards, a few acrobatic acts on my pole and swing (with nobody to watch me), and talking to myself. Very boring, I must say, as I missed Mommy and her daily groomings, idle chatter, and those sit-down household duties I could watch.
She must have sensed my loneliness during her working days, because she and Dad talked of putting a TV in my room. As for me, I needed this like a hole in the head...even those cartoons they had on for human kids wouldn't turn me on! Once in awhile they would turn it to a program showing distant cousins of mine, you know: apes, chimps, orangs, etc. I would sneak a glance once in awhile, but all they did were tricks some human taught them...nothing realistic like my doings in the past, and what I will be doing later on!
On another Sunday afternoon, Dad opened my cage door so I could join him in the living area for some of that "all over grooming" while he watched the ball game on TV. After an hour or so, he got tired of my insistence on using BOTH hands that I wanted so badly, and threatened to put me back in my cage. As usual, in circumstances like this, I poured on the charm, climbing on his chest, looking him straight in the eyes, while puckering up, and telling him as many love stories as I could remember (and of course, hugging and kissing him) until I was sure he would let me stay! It worked once again, and I settled down on his lap until his attention was on the boob tube. Then I gently slid down and explored the area a little, and then the front door. This door did not have a knob to turn like the others, so I was puzzled as to how to open it. More to come. Brad and Trouble
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How I Adopted My Parent, Etc.. by Frank and Caroline MacLane [part ten]
I reached up to the handle, pulled and twisted without any luck, then noticed a lever-like thing. With both hands on the handle, I wrapped my tail around the lever and pulled down. Lo and behold! it gave way and the door started to ease open. Making sure he did not notice what I was doing, I slipped out into the entry way. Now to find out how to open the aluminum storm door that had a different type of contraption to keep it closed. As I was tying every which way to work it, Dad noticed that I was missing, and the front door was ajar.
He very quickly escorted me back to my pad, with another lecture on proper simian behavior in a human household. Gee whiz! can't a smart simian like me find some fun around here! Dad just looked at my sad expression, and suggested that I do some swinging on my bar, or some other monkeyshines he had seen me do so many times before. Back to the ball game he went, and I just sat there to do some serious thinking, while waiting for Mommy to come in for her share of that grooming stuff. A short time later, I heard them about Mommy taking a parttime job that would leave me alone for part of the day.
I did not understand the meaning of a "job", as we simians only know how to play and get into all sorts of mischief, so loss of her company did not set too well with me. I put my strongest protest on the line, but lost. Soon things became very boring during her absence on those so-called "working days". As you know, we simians are great thinkers, and my thoughts turned to getting outside once more for those rompings in the trees, and roof hopping. My new cage had a full-length door, with several type of latches all along the door frame. Some of these were from the old cage that I had learned to open a long time ago. So now I had to figure out the latest ones!
There were five of these, consisting of hooks, bolts, self-closing catches, and whatever. I know there were five, because I found it necessary to count each one as they were unlocked for the right combination. To do this, I would push one toe of my foot under each device I mastered. I tried this with my fingers and failed, because the good Lord gave us spiders only four finger...and no thumbs! I guess He made up for it by giving us the ability for utilizing our hands, tail and feet together so we could pick all those foolish contraptions that man invented!
After many days of practice, I mastered all five locks for the right combination, and figured the only thing standing in my way was the storm door device. At this point, I heard Mommy talking with the kids outside, and so I got back to my place fast, closing my door and hoping she would not notice the unlocked catches. I got my usual greetings, with apologies for leaving me alone, and a lot of grooming. She secured the other locks, thinking she might have forgotten to check them before leaving that morning. She knew I had a habit of fooling around with those things.
A few days later, she left for work as usual, and I figured I might just as well get started on my break-out early. As it turned out, it took me a lot longer to get that five lock combo working, so my early start was not in vain. Then on to the front door. I really got stuck on that one, as Mommy had turned the dead bolt device on, and I had to figure this one out. At last I did, and the outside storm door was really no challenge. Down the three stairs and around the corner of the drain spout, and away I raced over the roof top, and into the trees! Those roof shingles were really hot, and the trees were a relief to my burning hands and feet. I really had a ball racing all through the trees, stopping just long enough to see if anyone was watching my antics! Brad and Trouble
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How I Adopted My Parent, Etc.. by Frank and Caroline MacLane [part ten]
I reached up to the handle, pulled and twisted without any luck, then noticed a lever-like thing. With both hands on the handle, I wrapped my tail around the lever and pulled down. Lo and behold! it gave way and the door started to ease open. Making sure he did not notice what I was doing, I slipped out into the entry way. Now to find out how to open the aluminum storm door that had a different type of contraption to keep it closed. As I was tying every which way to work it, Dad noticed that I was missing, and the front door was ajar.
He very quickly escorted me back to my pad, with another lecture on proper simian behavior in a human household. Gee whiz! can't a smart simian like me find some fun around here! Dad just looked at my sad expression, and suggested that I do some swinging on my bar, or some other monkeyshines he had seen me do so many times before. Back to the ball game he went, and I just sat there to do some serious thinking, while waiting for Mommy to come in for her share of that grooming stuff. A short time later, I heard them about Mommy taking a parttime job that would leave me alone for part of the day.
I did not understand the meaning of a "job", as we simians only know how to play and get into all sorts of mischief, so loss of her company did not set too well with me. I put my strongest protest on the line, but lost. Soon things became very boring during her absence on those so-called "working days". As you know, we simians are great thinkers, and my thoughts turned to getting outside once more for those rompings in the trees, and roof hopping. My new cage had a full-length door, with several type of latches all along the door frame. Some of these were from the old cage that I had learned to open a long time ago. So now I had to figure out the latest ones!
There were five of these, consisting of hooks, bolts, self-closing catches, and whatever. I know there were five, because I found it necessary to count each one as they were unlocked for the right combination. To do this, I would push one toe of my foot under each device I mastered. I tried this with my fingers and failed, because the good Lord gave us spiders only four finger...and no thumbs! I guess He made up for it by giving us the ability for utilizing our hands, tail and feet together so we could pick all those foolish contraptions that man invented!
After many days of practice, I mastered all five locks for the right combination, and figured the only thing standing in my way was the storm door device. At this point, I heard Mommy talking with the kids outside, and so I got back to my place fast, closing my door and hoping she would not notice the unlocked catches. I got my usual greetings, with apologies for leaving me alone, and a lot of grooming. She secured the other locks, thinking she might have forgotten to check them before leaving that morning. She knew I had a habit of fooling around with those things.
A few days later, she left for work as usual, and I figured I might just as well get started on my break-out early. As it turned out, it took me a lot longer to get that five lock combo working, so my early start was not in vain. Then on to the front door. I really got stuck on that one, as Mommy had turned the dead bolt device on, and I had to figure this one out. At last I did, and the outside storm door was really no challenge. Down the three stairs and around the corner of the drain spout, and away I raced over the roof top, and into the trees! Those roof shingles were really hot, and the trees were a relief to my burning hands and feet. I really had a ball racing all through the trees, stopping just long enough to see if anyone was watching my antics! Brad and Trouble
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How I Adopted My Parents, Etc.[part 11] By Caroline and Frank MacLane
At last I had enough, and decided to come down, because the trees had shaded the roof enough to cool it down. As I was about to descend, along came one of those big horses, with an equally big human because from the back, both rear ends were of equal size, and for a time I didn't know who was riding who. Anyway, I panicked, since there was no way I was going to get close to any horse, so I just sat on the edge of the roof, badly shaken. Then Mommy came walking down the street, and the kids wanted to know why she let me out when she was not home. Mommy laughed and told them that she would never do anything like that, and that I was secured in my cage.
One of them laughed and asked..."if Cheetah is locked up in her cage, who was that sitting up on your roof?"
Mommy looked up, turned snow white with a look of real disbelief and horror. With a sheepish look on my face, I came down the spout faster than I went up, and just flew into Mommy's arms. We were both in tears, slobbering all over each other. To this day, Mommy can never figure out how I got out, but Dad made sure it would never happen again. He somehow put one more device on, and that did it. "Simple", he said, and put it where I couldn't reach or see it. That ended my escapades, but it didn't really bother me, as I was getting tired of doing things I wasn't supposed to do in a human household anyway!
Sundays were always my best days, since my parents were both home, and in the summer they would take me out in the pool area (rope attached). They would take turns in holding, talking, grooming me, and all that love talk stuff. I would also return the affection, much to their enjoyment, and my ego. One time I started to go to Mommy from Dad's lap, and she got up and started around the pool. I decided to follow, and she started acting like a simian around the pool coping to make me chase her. This is all I needed 'cause these actions were right up my alley. Well...it just seems that my jumping up and down to imitate her doings caused me to lose my balance, and down I went into the water.
To describe how this looked to them, I will ask mommy to describe..."I looked down and there she was, with her eyes open under the water, looking up at me with her hands held high, looking for help. I reached down and pulled her onto the coping, and she just sat there looking around, wondering what had happened."
Dad saw her pull me up, and just laughed at my "drowned rat" appearance, and came over to tell me that's what I get for clowning around! I cringed every time they told their friends about it. It might have been funny to them...but not to me, it was downright humiliating, and I vowed I would stay away from that coping forever!
My future fun in that area was with the dogs. I would climb sideways at the top edge of the chain link fence, and the dogs would walk along the other side to make sure I would not climb over. If I did attempt to, one or the other would nudge me back up. One time the gate was partially open, and Rex came over to stop me from going out. I slapped him in the face! I think Dad caught this on his movie camera, along with a few other antics of mine.
One of my parent's friends, named Jane, used to visit us often, and became very attached to me, as did her son, Mike. I like them both, as they would spend more time with me as time went on. They learned my style of chatter and expressions, and talked just like my parents, so we had no problem in communicating. They even pulled off that old routine of..."I Jane, you Cheetah...where's Tarzan?" many times. That just about solidified our relationship. More to come Brad and Trouble.
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How I Adopted My Parents, Etc.[part 12] By Caroline and Frank MacLane
Dad and Mom used to vacation most every year or so in Florida, and between Jane, Mike, and sisters Carol Ann and Judy, we all had a ball while they were away. On their return, they would expect me to fall all over them, but I would act like they never went away, just to show them I didn't miss them, and was well cared for! Finally Mommy quit her job so she could spend more time with me. (I think that was the reason because she did spend more time in my room.) On the other hand, it might have been the TV they put in my room to watch those "soaps", while jabbering with me during those torrid love scenes and commercials.
In any event, it worked out well for me, since I no longer had to be content staring at those blank walls, kids playing and horses, wondering what I could do for excitement. Chipper, the dog, and Toby, the parakeet, had passed on, leaving only Rex and myself as the MacLane's pets, so all their attention was focused on us two. I think I became very jealous of Rex, as he was ailing, and received more attention than I. Soon I became very possessive of everything that went on in that household, including the attention of my parent's friends, unless they first shared it with me.
There were times when Mommy and Dad might raise their voices, or just their plain togetherness would bother me to the extent that I would screech, jump up and down, and attempt to grab the nearest one to me. You should see how my hair would stand on end, teeth poised for action, just waiting to reach one of them. After all these years with my parents, I still do this at the drop of a hat. Why? I do not know, but as I have said before, it must be just plain simian maturity. As the saying goes, a lot of water has gone over the dam in the ensuing years, but I know that during this time, I have brought much happiness to my parents, and maybe a few tears for those impish things, and bites I have inflicted on them. But, not without saying, my parents really gave me more love and happiness that I could ever have had anywhere.
Enough of this wishy, washy stuff, let's get back to the rest of those 21 years, and more of my adaption to simian life with my human parents. Dad decided to call it quits, and retired at the end of summer, 1975. First they thought of me (as usual), and Dad said, "Let's go down and find a home in Florida". Then I could have the benefit of a nice warm climate that we simians belong in. So nice, I thought, but I think they were sold on Florida a long time ago, because they just up and arranged for my care quickly, and prepared to make a trip with a couple of friends, Mary and George. In less than two weeks they were back, all smiles and happy as larks. As soon as the greetings were over, they told me all about the trip and the homes they looked at, and the one they bought!
From the details of the layout they described, this was really Utopia for all three of us! In the meantime, there was much work for them in getting this place ready to sell, and a long winter ahead before our departure. For the next five months they worked very hard, but not a single day went by that they failed to stop and talk to me about Florida. By the time of the first snow fall, each time I heard the word "Florida", I seemed to know what it meant, and became as excited as they were. Mom and Dad talked a great deal about how I was going to be transported to the newplace, remembering my car phobia years ago. All sorts of ideas were kicked around, but nothing resolved Finally, Mom wrote to the Simian Society to see if others might be able to offer a solution, and it was published in the SIMIAN. More to come. Brad and Trouble
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How I Adopted My Parents, Etc.[part 12] By Caroline and Frank MacLane
Dad and Mom used to vacation most every year or so in Florida, and between Jane, Mike, and sisters Carol Ann and Judy, we all had a ball while they were away. On their return, they would expect me to fall all over them, but I would act like they never went away, just to show them I didn't miss them, and was well cared for! Finally Mommy quit her job so she could spend more time with me. (I think that was the reason because she did spend more time in my room.) On the other hand, it might have been the TV they put in my room to watch those "soaps", while jabbering with me during those torrid love scenes and commercials.
In any event, it worked out well for me, since I no longer had to be content staring at those blank walls, kids playing and horses, wondering what I could do for excitement. Chipper, the dog, and Toby, the parakeet, had passed on, leaving only Rex and myself as the MacLane's pets, so all their attention was focused on us two. I think I became very jealous of Rex, as he was ailing, and received more attention than I. Soon I became very possessive of everything that went on in that household, including the attention of my parent's friends, unless they first shared it with me.
There were times when Mommy and Dad might raise their voices, or just their plain togetherness would bother me to the extent that I would screech, jump up and down, and attempt to grab the nearest one to me. You should see how my hair would stand on end, teeth poised for action, just waiting to reach one of them. After all these years with my parents, I still do this at the drop of a hat. Why? I do not know, but as I have said before, it must be just plain simian maturity. As the saying goes, a lot of water has gone over the dam in the ensuing years, but I know that during this time, I have brought much happiness to my parents, and maybe a few tears for those impish things, and bites I have inflicted on them. But, not without saying, my parents really gave me more love and happiness that I could ever have had anywhere.
Enough of this wishy, washy stuff, let's get back to the rest of those 21 years, and more of my adaption to simian life with my human parents. Dad decided to call it quits, and retired at the end of summer, 1975. First they thought of me (as usual), and Dad said, "Let's go down and find a home in Florida". Then I could have the benefit of a nice warm climate that we simians belong in. So nice, I thought, but I think they were sold on Florida a long time ago, because they just up and arranged for my care quickly, and prepared to make a trip with a couple of friends, Mary and George. In less than two weeks they were back, all smiles and happy as larks. As soon as the greetings were over, they told me all about the trip and the homes they looked at, and the one they bought!
From the details of the layout they described, this was really Utopia for all three of us! In the meantime, there was much work for them in getting this place ready to sell, and a long winter ahead before our departure. For the next five months they worked very hard, but not a single day went by that they failed to stop and talk to me about Florida. By the time of the first snow fall, each time I heard the word "Florida", I seemed to know what it meant, and became as excited as they were. Mom and Dad talked a great deal about how I was going to be transported to the newplace, remembering my car phobia years ago. All sorts of ideas were kicked around, but nothing resolved Finally, Mom wrote to the Simian Society to see if others might be able to offer a solution, and it was published in the SIMIAN. More to come. Brad and Trouble
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How I Adopted My Parents, Etc. [part 13] By Caroline and Frank MacLane
They had some replies, but none seemed to fit my needs, or Mom's and Dad's requirements. Onil Charpenter (called "Carpy") lived a short way from us, and he had visited with us a few times with one of his simians, a woolly. Mommy thought he might be able to help us. And help us he did...he gave us a wire traveling cage he had used for his baby in the car when necessary. Dad rushed it home, but found it was too large to fit through the door of our car. Out came the hack saw, and then to the welding shop, and we had it made! Within a short time, Dad had this cage remodeled for my comfort: a cross bar for me to sit on, paneling on the back and one end to shield any drafts, feeding door, water bottle, and a sleeping shelf padded with a foam rubber pillow. He also added a separate tray that hooked onto the bottom for easy paper changing without disturbing me, along with rope handles to carry this doll house and me from the car to motel, etc.
This was placed in my room months before the move, so it gave me a chance to get use to it, with full explanation of what it was for. I had to know this, since I rejected anything new or large placed in my room. They also knew I would not go into this thing voluntarily, and took the precaution to make the transfer the day before the movers came! It was a smart thing to do on their part, as it took most of the day, and a lot of coaxing and luring me with all sorts of goodies before I took the plunge into my simian doll house!
I will never forget the day the movers came; the driver of the big box car was a little guy who didn't look as though he could carry a lunch box, let alone all we had, including my big cage. The other one they told me was his wife...about three times as tall, and built like a, well..just let's say like one of those Amazon females we had down where I was born. As a matter of fact, I think she was one, since she took to me like she knew me! We got along real well after our introduction. She labeled all the stuff, and he helped her move the real big furniture, but anyone could see she was the work horse. I did put up a big holler when they wheeled my big cage out, and was concerned when I found nothing else in my room, and much of everything out on the lawn. They finished up around 11:00 p.m., and Dad and Mom cleaned up the place, and told me they would spend the night in a nearby motel and come back for me the next morning.
That night was a real experience for me, all alone for the first time in my life, and I was scared! But I finally did fall asleep. My dreams were a complete reliving of my life with my adopted parents, from the time Mommy gave my former owner the check, and the car ride to my new home. They had a job waking me up when they came back the next morning at 7:00 a.m. Dad said I had a little smile on my face as I opened my eyes...guess that proves I was indeed a happy simian with them! Not long after that, they had the car all warmed up with me in my little cage, propped up in the back seat, ready to travel.
At that time, they noticed the fancy foam pillow was tucked under my sleeping shelf. I had rejected this, as I had done when they tried to give me similar things to sleep on before. I guess parents never learn what their kids don't want! Our first day out was very pleasant, with lots of attention, and the pointing out of various bits of scenery to me, but those big trucks we encountered bothways made a wreck of me! Why do they make them so big and noisy; overpowering to say the least! My parents assured me they would not hurt me as long as Dad stayed out of their way. I consoled myself, but shuttered every time one went by. More to come. Brad and Trouble
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How I Adopted My Parents, Etc.[part 14] By Caroline and Frank MacLane
Maybe this was the reason I had developed the car phobia years ago; being in the cage now left me no place to hide, as I tried to do under his foot pedals before. Soon we made a lunch stop, but food was far from my mind. I was not used to this, just anxious to get to my new home. We checked into a motel, with no problems in transporting me to the room. They went next door for supper, and came right back with some tidbits for me, along with what they had brought for me when we left.
After a lot of grooming, and general chit chat, we all retired early. The second day took us up through the Smokeys, and Blue Ridge Mountains. Mommy had me on my toes constantly to see all those beautiful sights, and so many trees. I wanted them to stop so I could swing through a few of them, but Dad said the roads were to narrow to stop. That was a lame excuse, you know they are all that way...afraid to let us kids do the daring things in life. All in all, it was a long day, and the travel was getting to all of us. I still ate very little while riding. Everything went well at the motel that night, with their short stay at the restaurant, and a lot of chatter, tidbits and grooming on their return. We all slept better that night. Guess we were getting used to the strange sleeping places by this time.
{Brad reflecting on his trips to Florida by car. The MacLanes stopped twice over night from Massachusetts to Florida. Two of the trips I made from New Hampshire to Florida we only stopped one night but then we didn't have a monkey to consider, at least the non-human ones. The last time while we had Trouble I flew to Florida in four hours from Manchester New Hampshire with two stop overs. I missed Trouble that week I was there visiting my sisters. I wonder if he missed me? One time when I was younger, in my teens, Dad drove straight through to Florida in 25 hours from New Hampshire.}
The third day out was "destination day", all I heard was "Florida" from both of them. This perked me up, as I was most anxious to really see what Florida was all about. Then Mommy spotted a sign reading "Entering Florida", getting me on my toes again to witness the event. Shucks, I thought, this doesn't look any different from all those other states we passed through, except the grass was greener, and the land was so flat. There must be more than this to get excited about. I just sat on my perch with my elbows on my knees and chin resting on my folded hands, waiting for further developments...it's very comforting, try it sometime!
It did not take too long, when all of a sudden I could not see out the windows, and the noise was terrific! This was rain, but nothing like I had ever seen or heard before. They never told me how hard it rains down here, but I am surely finding out today...the further they went, the harder it came down. I was ready to request they turn around and head back to Boston. when out popped the sun! { Brad interrupting again. As a child living near St Pete across the boulevard from the Gulf of Mexico, I can remember the hard afternoon showers that I loved to play in. They didn't last long and the sun would come out and the shy quickly cleared up. I can remember all the rainbows I had seen as a child. Something I rarely see here in Concord. But than I never saw snow there in Florida, another of nature's beauties.} This made me feel much better because this was the land ofsunshine, at least this is what they said. A few hundred more miles and we pulled up to our new home. They were right, this is a beautiful place, but I could not see any big trees around...must be out back, I thought. More to come. Brad and Trouble
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How I Adopted My Parents, Etc. [part 15] By Caroline and Frank MacLane
The inside is just as nice as they as they explained to me, but I wanted to get out of this cage, and all but spelled it out to them. Mommy said they could not let me out until the movers came with my big cage, and then Dad went out for a six-pack and other essentials. Mom said it would only be a couple more days. I sulked for awhile, and then realized that being cooped up like this would mean I'd get more attention so I wouldn't go stir crazy. I was right (I know my parents), they gave me more attention than ever and, of course, lots of goodies. I even got to sample Dad's six-pack purchase to help me regain my appetite.
The worse was yet to come: two days, then three...and still no movers. They called the local office of the movers several times, and got nothing but excuses. I wanted so much to get on that phone and really blast them out, but Mommy was afraid the telephone company would not allow such language!...so she refused my request. On the eighth day that big van rolled up. Dad got me out of the way fast because he was afraid I would bust out and tear into them for being so late. It didn't take long before my cage was rolled into the house and onto the enclosed patio that was to be my room.
They were not the same people who moved our stuff out, a different crew must have taken over. I sure would have liked to get another look at that Amazon and tell her off! As soon as they left, my parents opened my travel cage door and watched me rush out....looking up with my squinty eyes and puckered up mouth for a big, big "Thank you". I then went directly into my big cage and made myself at home, chuckling all the while, swinging around like mad, but I was very happy. I was now about to enjoy more of my life with my adopted parents....in the land of sunshine!
My new set-up here is really neat; complete view of the rear yard and all the neighbors to watch, listen, and yell at if they don't want to talk to me. I can see Mom and Dad in the Florida Room next to mine by shaking my cage. It is now on casters, and by different methods, I can make it go in any direction I choose. It only took me a day or so to figure it out, as Dad bolted it up north to keep me from ruining his nice hardwood floors and plastered walls.
I get more attention from Mom and Dad now, because they can hear my big flat feet banging against the cage, which is a signal that I'm on the move, and they had better check it out! Most of our close neighbors seem to be afraid of me, as they keep their distance, and speak to me only when requested by my parents. They really don't know what they are missing, as we could have such nice conversations and keep from getting bored with each other while they're doing their yard chores or just hanging around. No skin off my back, though, because I just watch their every move, and that's better than nothing.
I don't like those noisy things they push around the yard every few days. Dad has one, too! He says it's a lawn mower. I guess they try to outdo each other, because it seems one starts up after the other almost very day. Just hope it doesn't ruin my hearing, which is very sensitive to every sound, such as dropping needles on the carpet!! You wouldn't believe this, put here we go again. About six weeks after moving here, a big piece of equipment came barging into our yard.
"Hey Dad", I yelled, "get that thing out of here". But hecould not understand my lingo with all the noise. When he finally figured out what all my screaming was for, he calmed me down and told me they were having a swimming pool installed. I can't understand this, as they went though the same thing up north, and then left it there! More to come. Brad and Trouble
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How I Adopted My Parents, Etc. [part 15] By Caroline and Frank MacLane
The inside is just as nice as they as they explained to me, but I wanted to get out of this cage, and all but spelled it out to them. Mommy said they could not let me out until the movers came with my big cage, and then Dad went out for a six-pack and other essentials. Mom said it would only be a couple more days. I sulked for awhile, and then realized that being cooped up like this would mean I'd get more attention so I wouldn't go stir crazy. I was right (I know my parents), they gave me more attention than ever and, of course, lots of goodies. I even got to sample Dad's six-pack purchase to help me regain my appetite.
The worse was yet to come: two days, then three...and still no movers. They called the local office of the movers several times, and got nothing but excuses. I wanted so much to get on that phone and really blast them out, but Mommy was afraid the telephone company would not allow such language!...so she refused my request. On the eighth day that big van rolled up. Dad got me out of the way fast because he was afraid I would bust out and tear into them for being so late. It didn't take long before my cage was rolled into the house and onto the enclosed patio that was to be my room.
They were not the same people who moved our stuff out, a different crew must have taken over. I sure would have liked to get another look at that Amazon and tell her off! As soon as they left, my parents opened my travel cage door and watched me rush out....looking up with my squinty eyes and puckered up mouth for a big, big "Thank you". I then went directly into my big cage and made myself at home, chuckling all the while, swinging around like mad, but I was very happy. I was now about to enjoy more of my life with my adopted parents....in the land of sunshine!
My new set-up here is really neat; complete view of the rear yard and all the neighbors to watch, listen, and yell at if they don't want to talk to me. I can see Mom and Dad in the Florida Room next to mine by shaking my cage. It is now on casters, and by different methods, I can make it go in any direction I choose. It only took me a day or so to figure it out, as Dad bolted it up north to keep me from ruining his nice hardwood floors and plastered walls.
I get more attention from Mom and Dad now, because they can hear my big flat feet banging against the cage, which is a signal that I'm on the move, and they had better check it out! Most of our close neighbors seem to be afraid of me, as they keep their distance, and speak to me only when requested by my parents. They really don't know what they are missing, as we could have such nice conversations and keep from getting bored with each other while they're doing their yard chores or just hanging around. No skin off my back, though, because I just watch their every move, and that's better than nothing.
I don't like those noisy things they push around the yard every few days. Dad has one, too! He says it's a lawn mower. I guess they try to outdo each other, because it seems one starts up after the other almost very day. Just hope it doesn't ruin my hearing, which is very sensitive to every sound, such as dropping needles on the carpet!! You wouldn't believe this, put here we go again. About six weeks after moving here, a big piece of equipment came barging into our yard.
"Hey Dad", I yelled, "get that thing out of here". But hecould not understand my lingo with all the noise. When he finally figured out what all my screaming was for, he calmed me down and told me they were having a swimming pool installed. I can't understand this, as they went though the same thing up north, and then left it there! More to come. Brad and Trouble
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How I Adopted My Parents, Etc. [part 16] By Caroline and Frank MacLane
Why spoil all that nice green grass, shrubs, and flowers for something I have no interest in. Once again my protests were ignored, but at least I could watch that monster dig it all up along, with all those helpers doing their parts, so Dad and Mommy could enjoy back yard swimming down here. It took about a month to complete, and was all screened in, which meant I could go out without my collars or ropes right from my patio room. I got used to it being there, and enjoyed watching all the activities of my parents and their friends. When I do go out with Mommy and Dad, all I do is lean over and get a drink of water once in awhile, being very careful of the coping, least I make that fatal mistake of falling in again! I do like to just sit on their laps and keep both their hands working 100% of the time on my back, tummy, and legs...that is what we call grooming "simian style".
The summer was getting very hot by this time, and Dad put a couple of fans in my patio room to help, since this room is not adaptable for air-conditioning or heating. When it was too warm, they would wheel my cage into the Florida Room where the temps were kept at a moderate level for them, and very comfortable for me. This would also happen in the cooler winter months. You can see, my parents always made sure of my comfort, as they would if I were a human child. Carol Ann and her children came to visit us that summer, and we had a real nice time. The children were a little older ny now, and understood that I was not to be teased, as I remember them doing in prior years. They played and talked to me, but the time went by too fast. Before I knew it, they were headed back up north.
We sure missed them, but settled down to some real nice weather up to Christmas, when I was taken in again to the comforts of our lightly heated Florida Room. From my position in this room, I overlooked the kitchen and dining areas, much to my delight. As I mentioned before, I had an uncanny way of knowing, even when far from the galley area, when the feed bag was due, and would let Mommy know it was time, just in case she had not noticed the clock. No, it was not my tummy talking, and I could not tell time by looking at a clock, it just came naturally to me. There were times when she would be thinking about what to serve me and I would speak up, "mental telepathy" I guess she called it. After a short time of being able to watch all the kitchen activities including Dad's specialties, I learned a lot and enjoyed it. All they had to do while these preparations went on was to look up at me and my heavy chuckles of delight would continue until they looked away. This would happen each time their eyes spotted mine watching their every move.
Soon the warmer weather was returning, and out to the patio I would go, but managed to maneuver my cage where I could at least see part of what was cooking, etc.I never forgot what I learned of the goings on in the kitchen, and just longed to get back there again. I think, if I had the chance, I could prepare those Chow Meins, Chow Yokes, Egg Foo Yongs, Chili and italian dishes of Dad's, along with those that Mommy put together. They might not taste the same as their's but I sure know how to chop up those onions, peppers, meats, and other vegetables. I think I could also master the stir frying and multiple dishes at one time with the extra dexterities I possess, and ability to use them! Mom and Dad left me in the care of a neighbor when they went to visit his Dad in Boston for his 95th birthday celebration. Our neighbors Lisa and Marty came over twice daily for feeding and paper cleanup, along with some conversation to ease my loneliness. More to come. Brad and Trouble.
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How I Adopted My Parents, Etc. [note 17] By Caroline and Frank MacLane
This was late in July, and they had me in the Florida Room with air-conditioning and automatic lighting at night. I had a full view there of the back yard, and some of our other neighbor's activities during the days, but those nights were hard to take without my parents. They returned 10 days later, and did we ever have a grand reunion! Soon everything was back to normal, including my appetite, daily chit chat, and grooming with fans whirling away around my cage, back in the patio. This continued until the return of our mild winter weather in late December, and then back to the Florida Room again for a repeat of the previous season, and those many hours of watching the indoor activities.
The next summer, Judy with her two boys and a friend, visited us for a week. I enjoyed seeing them again, and the boys played and talked to me constantly. Those kids really love the pool! For a time I thought their actions resembled those of us simians, except for the "getting wet" stuff. I don't know how they do it, but they sure could skim along the top and bottom of the pool. It looked like a lot of fun, but that's the difference between human and simian play styles.
Dad's sister, Vi, and his Dad from Boston visited us in October, when the weather was at its best, for another reunion with us. I remembered how chummy Vi and I were when I was just a little toddler. She wanted so much to hold me again, but realized how I had changed my affections to the male gender a few years back. She did her best to win me over, but I could only be luke warm, and her hurt was visible. What can a gal like me do in this case but stick to the simian maturity instinct? With Gramps it was a different story. I remembered him as a very gentle, warm hearted guy who loved me, and showered me with a lots of conversation and many goodies. He even described an Owl-faced monkey, and all the cute things it did, way back when Dad was just a mid teenager. It was a pleasure the whole family had during the short life of this little marmoset species. I couldn't help but wonder if the little tyke might have had some baring on how easy it was for me to adopt Dad about 15 years ago.
Soon they were winging their way back home, just as I was beginning to enjoy all the conversations and attention. The following winter months were about the same as before: watching the kitchen jump with food concoctions, and learning more about all the trouble humans go about feeding their tummys, and the preparations of my own meals. As soon as Mommy would start mine, I would give her a chuckle, weaning to get it over here fast. With her acknowledgement, and a promise it would only take a minute, I watched her every move, and the first step from the counter, I would rush to my shelf, swaying back and forth, indicating she should hurry up. If I liked the looks of it. I would first squint my eyes, pucker up, and utter a big chuckle of "thank you" before touching it, I would continue with different type chuckles, while jamming every morsel down my throat. After they had their dinner, Mommy would always ask me if I had finished mine.
Silence usually meant a "no", a light chuckle "maybe", and a big chuckle was "YES, YES". If, for some reason, my signals were misinterpreted, she would say, "No dessert if you don't finish your dinner". My usual procedure, if I had not finished, would be to finish it up fast. At this point, one of them would get up and come over to see what I had left, and this would make me boil. I would go into a tantrum. Now...if I had finished it, they would praise me to high heavens. More to come. Brad and Trouble
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How I Adopted My Parents, Etc.[part18] By Caroline and Frank MacLane
If not, a repeat of the above quote, "No dessert if you don't finish your dinner", and that was it...no desert. Once in awhile, Mommy would come over a little later with the dessert...boy! what a softy she is! There were times when she knew what she had given me was not the best of my liking, or I just plain had enough. In any event, I, like most kids, always had room for dessert.
The couple that came down to Florida with Dad and Mommy to look for the present home, rented an apartment close by, for the winter. They visited with us quite often, and I enjoyed the attention George gave me, but like most all women, I would shy away from Mary, despite all her coaxing. A few months later, they bought a home just a few streets from our place, but spent the summers back up north at their beach house. More of these folks, as they return with the birds to enjoy Florida climate.
During the past couple of years, Mommy and Jane conversed on the phone many times. You remember my mentioning her and her son...with that Jane and Tarzan act... with me in the middle. They were to come and visit us, and I was looking forward to seeing them, but somehow something went wrong. We lost contact, and have not heard from them for a long time. Inasmuch as my affections for women-folk are far from what they were years ago, I still would love to see Jane again. Somehow, she seemed to have some power over me. When she spoke, I listened, just like that Hutton you hear so much on TV. Maybe it was her boyish style hair, or tone of voice, but she could wrap me around her finger, and never lose any part of it.
I hear Mom and Dad tell people they don't know of anyone who could really handle me as they do. Well...I've got news for them, just get Jane down here, and they can take a vacation anytime they want to ! Dad's brother, Roland, and his wife, Thelma, came to visit us, with plans to move from California. In less than a week's time, they found what they wanted, and went back with a purchase agreement in hand. Their house is just a few doors from our's. They don't visit us much, but Dad said his brother is not a monkey lover, and stays clear of me. How in the world could anyone not love such a cute little simian as me! I never even mentioned biting him, let alone not attempting to!
Thelma liked me, I think, and I liked her, but never told her, or showed it. We also had other visitors from Boston who knew me when I was in panties and dresses, roaming from one to the another. I recognized her voice as she entered...that's Doris...but somehow I could not remember from where...so I just acted like I do all women now. I chattered a bit with her husband, Frank, even though I never knew him too well, but he seemed to enjoy my friendliness, and I, his company. They didn't stay long, and I sure do hope to recognize them when they visit again, so I won't be so embarrassed.
Grampy and Aunt Vi made a second visit with us this past May, and I greeted them like long lost cousins, instead of those relatives they really are. I treated Vi a little better this time, and let her groom me some, and a bit of that so-called slobbering of mine, but then down to the bottom of my cage, and made her beg for any more of my attention from then on. Grampy was his usual self; warm, smiling, and a lot of chatter, which I acknowledged with a bit of my own. He had slowed some, and unable to get up to my cage, but let's face it, he is getting older. I just hope I can do half as well when I attain the simian equivalent of his age. God bless him. More to come. Brad and Trouble
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How I Adopted My Parents, Etc.[part18] By Caroline and Frank MacLane
If not, a repeat of the above quote, "No dessert if you don't finish your dinner", and that was it...no desert. Once in awhile, Mommy would come over a little later with the dessert...boy! what a softy she is! There were times when she knew what she had given me was not the best of my liking, or I just plain had enough. In any event, I, like most kids, always had room for dessert.
The couple that came down to Florida with Dad and Mommy to look for the present home, rented an apartment close by, for the winter. They visited with us quite often, and I enjoyed the attention George gave me, but like most all women, I would shy away from Mary, despite all her coaxing. A few months later, they bought a home just a few streets from our place, but spent the summers back up north at their beach house. More of these folks, as they return with the birds to enjoy Florida climate.
During the past couple of years, Mommy and Jane conversed on the phone many times. You remember my mentioning her and her son...with that Jane and Tarzan act... with me in the middle. They were to come and visit us, and I was looking forward to seeing them, but somehow something went wrong. We lost contact, and have not heard from them for a long time. Inasmuch as my affections for women-folk are far from what they were years ago, I still would love to see Jane again. Somehow, she seemed to have some power over me. When she spoke, I listened, just like that Hutton you hear so much on TV. Maybe it was her boyish style hair, or tone of voice, but she could wrap me around her finger, and never lose any part of it.
I hear Mom and Dad tell people they don't know of anyone who could really handle me as they do. Well...I've got news for them, just get Jane down here, and they can take a vacation anytime they want to ! Dad's brother, Roland, and his wife, Thelma, came to visit us, with plans to move from California. In less than a week's time, they found what they wanted, and went back with a purchase agreement in hand. Their house is just a few doors from our's. They don't visit us much, but Dad said his brother is not a monkey lover, and stays clear of me. How in the world could anyone not love such a cute little simian as me! I never even mentioned biting him, let alone not attempting to!
Thelma liked me, I think, and I liked her, but never told her, or showed it. We also had other visitors from Boston who knew me when I was in panties and dresses, roaming from one to the another. I recognized her voice as she entered...that's Doris...but somehow I could not remember from where...so I just acted like I do all women now. I chattered a bit with her husband, Frank, even though I never knew him too well, but he seemed to enjoy my friendliness, and I, his company. They didn't stay long, and I sure do hope to recognize them when they visit again, so I won't be so embarrassed.
Grampy and Aunt Vi made a second visit with us this past May, and I greeted them like long lost cousins, instead of those relatives they really are. I treated Vi a little better this time, and let her groom me some, and a bit of that so-called slobbering of mine, but then down to the bottom of my cage, and made her beg for any more of my attention from then on. Grampy was his usual self; warm, smiling, and a lot of chatter, which I acknowledged with a bit of my own. He had slowed some, and unable to get up to my cage, but let's face it, he is getting older. I just hope I can do half as well when I attain the simian equivalent of his age. God bless him. More to come. Brad and Trouble
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How I Adopted My Parents, Etc.[part 19] By Caroline and Frank MacLane
He loves to go shopping, so Dad took him over to our big mall for a grand tour, that he enjoyed so much. Dad said all he did was flirt with the female clerks, and crack jokes with the others. I believe it, because back here at the house, he was as sharp as anyone half his age, and could match wits with just about anybody. I just hope I can make the trip with Mom and Dad back to Boston on his 100th birthday. I want to help blow out all those candles, and get my fingers in the cake first...that's simian etiquette, you know.
My latest introduction was to George and Ann, a few streets up from our place. They are from Boston area, close to where Mom and Dad lived long, long ago, before I was a twinkle in their eyes. Ann likes me very much, and does just about anything to make me talk with her, but by now, you all know me better. George just stands there (at a distance), with a "Hi, Cheetah", but nothing more. Dad tries to make him talk to me, and show he is not afraid, but deep down, that guy is scared out of his britches of me, and I know it.I will meet the guy half way, and just hope someday he will extend the other half without fear of losing it, then we can become real friends. They visit us often, and enjoy the pool very much with Mom and Dad. It seems the four of them go to dinner together quite often, and spend too much time away from me.
I guess I should be more tolerant with my parents, and let them get out more without my sulking on their return. After all, they have devote so much of their life with me, and making me so happy all those years in their environment. With the other George, and his wife, Mary, down for about eight months of the year now, we do have a lot of activity here with these two couples. Mom and Dad still tell me who is expected, and I keep my eye on the front door until they arrive. I do get confused when they say George is coming, because I don't know which George, and I must prepare the type greeting each one will get from me.
If it is George and Mary, I'm all over this George, because he is not afraid of me, and gives me a lot of chatter, and plenty of attention along with whatever goodies Mommy has out for company. I love all this devotion, and acknowledge it by my usual garble and puckering up to him. It seems that the years are going by much faster here than they did up north, or maybe I'm just getting older and accepting the theory of what happens when those golden years creep up. I like to think the reason is more in line with all those space probes. It seems to make the world spin faster, clocks running like mad, and calendars fouling up the seasons, as the weather patterns making monkeys of all those so-called scientists. Please excuse the pun, but us simians don't use the word "monkey" to portray ourselves...just leave it to mankind.
After our first four years in Florida, the summers seem to be getting hotter, and the winters colder, resulting in the movement of my cage to the Florida Room for much longer periods. Frankly, I enjoy it more, because I see all...hear all...and you know the rest. I get a chance to know more of what's going on by observation of my parents, visitors, and a quick glance of TV (when no one is looking at me). Mostly I like to watch my parents, and they know it.Every now and then, one of them will raise their eyes in my direction, only to see me duck my head between my hands, and shake my head in a "no" fashion. They think I am ashamed to have them catch me eavesdropping. They are 100% right, you know, but I will never admit it. More to come. Brad and Trouble
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How I Adopted My Parents, Etc.[part 20] By Caroline and Frank MacLane
About the only time I don't react this way is when they are working at something and look up at me. Then I really tell them in my own little way, how happy I am to see them doing it, instead of me! Here are a few more of the things I pick up from being so close to the action of human living; with their nightly TV watching, I would curl up and pretend I was asleep, but their slightest movement automatically would bring a "what happen" chuckle. Then there were times when I was just not hungry, and any goodies offered were rejected, by force if necessary.
Any approaches to the kitchen area would get me right up front of my cage to see what might be coming up. If I liked what I saw, my actions and tones would indicate that I must be included. Other times, one or the other might say they were going to have a specific type of sweets, and I would respond with a "don't forget me". After awhile, Mommy suggested they spell out what it was, because I had learned the meanings of the words, ice cream, candy, cookies, and many other named snacks that go with TV watching to keep them from getting bored with all those louder than voice sound effects they added to just about everything. Of course, that only worked a few times, as I was able to pick up such letter meanings, as I did the physical names. Sometimes they would just be talking without mention of my name or food, and the right type of chuckles for the occasion would come up.
"Uncanny", Mom would say, "How could she understand what we were saying?" Darned if I know how I do this, but psychic powers are known to be in some humans...so what about simians? Aren't we supposed to be the closest living thing to humans? On other occasions, they might discuss the shopping needs while reading the morning paper ads.
A little later, Dad would say, "Are you ready? I want to get it over before the crowds."
"O.K.", Mom says, and they both leave to get dressed. In the meantime, I am letting out all sorts of sounds, some that I don't even understand.
"Hear that", says Mom. "I sure do", he yells, 'that means, don't go...don't leave me"...and only then do I realize what I was trying to tell them.
When they come out all dressed, I pour on that famous charm, and they will both promise to be right back, and usually do, to a great big welcome from me. I might also add that any time they may go out without saying goodbye, or stay too long, I sulk for hours after they return. I could go on and on, these highlights are meant to convey just how smart and clever a simian can be without training. Just plain living with a couple of real human parents who are able to cope with anything a simian might do in a human household, has done it for me.
Dad ought to join the local Chamber of Commerce; it seems he is always trying to convince those he knew up north to retire here in Florida. The latest being Mom's cousin, Letty, and her husband, Leonard, who had inquired about our climate. He must be a whiz at it, because the next thing I knew, they were picking them up at the airport. They loved it here, and had a home built only a couple of miles south of us. They are constant visitors, and I love them both; no fear of me, and I respond to all their attentions. They even offered to help with my care while Dad and Mom took a cruise they had been aching for. With this offer, Mom contacted Onil, the guy who gave Dad the travelling cage to bring me here. He is now living in Florida, not far from our place. She then called Ann, up the street, and between the lot of them, they have a team for my care. More to come. Brad and Trouble.
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How I Adopted My Parents, Etc. [part 21] By Caroline and Frank MacLane
Despite all the attention these good people bestowed upon me, I was heartbroken, and refused to eat as I should have...only a few goodies were accepted. I looked as though I had been on a weight watcher's diet when Mom and Dad returned home. I guess the weight loss didn't hurt me much, as I was looked somewhat like Dad in the tummy before he went on his diet sometime later. I am now back to stuffing myself with just about everything served up to me, including my ABDEC drops, and B-1 caps mixed with milk. They used to give me D-3 vitamins, but have been unable to obtain it at our local pharmacy, so switched to ABDEC, which they get only on special order. You should see how my parents praise me as I suck every last drop from the bottle dropper.
One more thing I must tell you about that just happened recently. Mom's cousin, Letty, was rushed to the hospital, and Leonard had dropped in on his way to the hospital daily. Each time he has come in, I have constantly scolded and yelled at him without letup, despite his normal attention that I love so much. Mom and Dad came to the conclusion that my actions must be due to Letty's absence, because she has always been with him before. After four or five days of this, I have quieted down, and just about ignore him until he gets up to leave, when the scolding starts up again. Yes...my parents are right, I just cannot accept her absence, and hope to see her follow him in each day. I guess we simians must be creatures of habit, the same as most humans.
Up to this point, that just about sums it up...how I adopted my parents, and all those etceteras during the twenty-one years we have been together. The love we shared, what and how I learned to live with a Mom and Dad who cared enough to raise me in their home as a human baby, small fry, adult, and now a senior citizen, displaying everything I learned, and all my love to them.
Signed:Cheetah MacLane, Simian.
I found Cheetah's story fascinating. It held my attention enough to take the time to type it out to share with you all. A total of 21 notes to Apes and Monkeys. I could relate to a lot of it with my experience living with Trouble, our spotnose guenon, for over seven years. Cheetah lived to be 25 years old and passed on in December of 1984. We were told that Trouble could live to be 22 years old. Brad and Trouble
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I would like to know where I can purchase ABDEC vitamins.
Would someone please contact me at batcons@mindspring.com?
Thank you.
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I would like to know where I can purchase ABDEC vitamins.
Would someone please contact me at batcons@mindspring.com?
Thank you.
User Host = user-38ld776.dialup.mindspring.com